I love purses. Just not on men.
Gracie and I went to the outdoor mall yesterday near my house.
Because it was 54 degrees outside.
And I had not yet purchased any summer clothes for the kids. And clearly, with it being 54 outside and all, it was necessary to get shorts and tank tops purchased RIGHT AWAY!
I woke up to the sun shining, realized nobody had any shorts or capris and I panicked. And I like to shop. It happens to be one of the things I do very well.
So we went to the mall. An outdoor mall that never has anybody at it.
Usually.
Yesterday however, a whole tour bus full of tourists had been dropped off. And they were not from this country. I could tell this by the language they were speaking. It was not English, hence my deduction, not from this country.
I have no problem with people from other countries. I am a fan of travel. And shopping. So I clearly had a common shopping and travelling bond with these people.
The thing I do have a problem with?
Man Bags.
Or as I like to call them, purses.
Yes. I have a problem with guys walking around carrying purses.
(YOU PEOPLE LOOK SILLY.)
I’m sorry. Maybe men with purses is more accepted in Europe and Asia. Maybe I am small minded and uncultured and old fashioned and un-liberated.
Or maybe they need to look in the mirror. Because it looks ridiculous.
And I happen to know good fashion when I see it, thank you very much.
As I was staring doing a bit of people watching, I got a peek at the contents inside one of the man bags. And he had a Burberry wallet.
A checkbook one.
It was real too, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the knock off from the purse parties. Because I just have that kind of talent for spotting purse party goods.
Oh, and by the way, HELLO? Real or not, isn’t that a woman’s wallet?
Now I ask, what American man carries around a checkbook wallet? A wallet, yes. A checkbook, sure, a handy thing to have. But a checkbook wallet?
Three words. GET A WIFE.
And I won’t even tell you that the shopping bags they were carrying were from Calvin Klein. And BCBG Max Azria. And the designer shopping bags, combined with the purses looked ridiculous.
I am pretty sure that my husband and any guy on my block would never be caught carrying a man bag. Or a Calvin Klein shopping bag. I’m pretty sure that is why they got married. To have someone else carry their stuff and dress them.
But really, who am I to judge? I enjoy Burberry accessories as much as anybody so more power to ya, Man. I guess.
So. I sat in the food court happily eating my slice of pizza with Gracie. One slice for her and one slice for me. And the tourists walk up to the pizza counter to order a slice of their own pizza.
Clearly, our shopping and travel bond just deepened, because we both eat pizza too.
But, that’s when I knew.
I figured out the reason, right there in the food court, why the United States is the fattest country in the World.
This piece of pizza kind of looks like the slice I had for lunch. I didn’t have pepperoni, but it was hanging over the plate just like in this picture.
And I ate the whole slice. But I did blot the grease off the top. Which allowed me extra calories. So I drank a Mountain Dew.
And then I finished the crust of Gracie’s that she didn’t eat.
So two Americans = two slices of pizza. Normal right?
I thought so.
But the tourists?
Four of them shared one slice of pizza. Four people! One slice! They divided it in four.
No wonder they were so skinny. And no wonder I felt like they were staring at me as I chowed down on a whole piece. I could just imagine them taking pictures of ‘zee fatso Ameri-Khan who eatz all de pizza.’ I’m probably going to be in their home movies.
But whatever. I was hungry. And they were carrying purses.
So one of us clearly had bigger problems than the other.
Posted: April 16th, 2008 under Embarrassing Myself with my Ramblings.
Comments: 36
Comments
Comment from JanMary, N Ireland
Time: April 16, 2008, 2:19 am
Hilarious - I too have a strong dislike of man-bags. Certainly not usual man’s accessory here, however we will be in Paris next month, so I will be sure to check out how the french men are now accessorising and will let you know. It will be on my “to do” list!
As for portion size - I did find the portions much larger in US. When americans visit here they must be bit disappointed with their serving sizes. Hopefully our Irish charm compensates for that…and the Guiness (if you like the stuff - ugh!).
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Time: April 16, 2008, 3:08 am
[…] Take 90 West wrote an interesting post today on I love purses. Just not on men.Here’s a quick excerpt Maybe I am small minded and uncultured and old fashioned and un-liberated….And I happen to know good fashion when I see it, thank you very much…. […]
Comment from Mary
Time: April 16, 2008, 5:00 am
I know visitors to this country must think we are all nuts. I came to that realization the day I saw Prada handbags in a glass case at Sam’s Club. Right next to a mountain of cereal boxes. I wish I’d had a camera because it would have made a great picture. I’m pretty sure they don’t sell them that way in Europe.
Comment from pedaling
Time: April 16, 2008, 6:57 am
ok that picture is hilarious- i’m with ya on the purse thing- ridiculous! and their swimsuits too, have you seen them in their swimsuits-ugghh
why they wouldn’t down a slice of pizza- you’ve got me on that one- you eat your pizza girly and your mountain dew too!
very funny post today
Comment from Christie
Time: April 16, 2008, 8:52 am
Bwwaahhhh! I am rolling on ze floor, laugheeng my headz off! You are just too dang funny. THIS is exactly why you are one of my favorite stops in the morning. I am totally linking to you today. Others MUST read your hilarity.
Comment from Queen B
Time: April 16, 2008, 9:23 am
That is hysterical. Really? They split the slice in 4? Hmm. That is just crazy. And I am totally with you on the man bags. The wallet? Completely odd.
“Get a wife” is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while.
Comment from Sara
Time: April 16, 2008, 9:49 am
Just want you to know I got in trouble at work because I was laughing outloud reading this post (followed the link on Stie’s) and was caught blogging at work.
Comment from Lisa-Marie
Time: April 16, 2008, 10:53 am
Christie was right. You are FUNNY!
And NORMAL. Seriously. Who shares a piece of pizza with three other people? Oh ya. Men with purses!
THX for a laugh this morning!
Comment from Hillary
Time: April 16, 2008, 11:16 am
I’m here by way of Christie. I love to stare, too. Uh, I mean people watch! I loved your observations. I would never think to share my 1 piece of pizza, come on now! Who are they trying to kid. That was just their 5th stop t eat!
Comment from Lindsey
Time: April 16, 2008, 11:21 am
They were just having a SNACK! You know those Europeans… they don’t eat three sqare meals, they eat like 6 small ones. Don’t worry… I am sure they had a fattening croissant later.
Comment from Kari
Time: April 16, 2008, 11:24 am
Hilarious post! Thanks for making me giggle!
Comment from staciesmadness
Time: April 16, 2008, 11:31 am
HILARIOUS
Comment from CapriK
Time: April 16, 2008, 11:34 am
Men + purses = Murses !!!
I think I learned that on “Beauty and the Geek”
The only man who can get away with carrying a murse is Jack Bauer from “24″. Because he is NOT carrying around a chi chi wallet, he is saving the world with that bag of tricks!
Comment from Wendi
Time: April 16, 2008, 12:02 pm
I come because Stie said so. Believe me…I have learned from experience to listen to her! Boy, was she right. This is funny. You are funny. Thanks for a good afternoon laugh! “Get a wife”….too funny!!!
Comment from Jen on the Edge
Time: April 16, 2008, 12:14 pm
Oh honey, I have two words for you: Gay. Man.
A purse, a Burberry wallet, and only a tiny snack of pizza? Totally a gay man.
Trust me on this one — I work with many gay men.
Comment from andrea
Time: April 16, 2008, 12:50 pm
likely scenario: his WIFE let him take the checkbook for the day.
check back tomorrow to see if she also lets him carry his own balls.
pardon my crudeness.
Comment from Ashlee
Time: April 16, 2008, 12:54 pm
Thanks for the laugh. :0) Skinny, purse carrying men…seriously, I think they have bigger problems than happily eating a full slice of pizza. I bet they were drooling at you because you ate ONE WHOLE PIECE all by yourself. They were still hungry after eating their 1/4 slice, but they have to be skinny to fit their man-purse around them. See? You’ve got it way better!
Comment from Kimberly
Time: April 16, 2008, 1:03 pm
I really needed a good laugh today, and, thus clicked on your link from Christie. It’s no wonder they need to carry a purse with such a huge wallet! Thanks for the laugh!
Comment from Traceytreasure
Time: April 16, 2008, 1:49 pm
Oh my gosh, girl, you are sooooo funny! Gracie looked adorable in that picture!! I can’t believe that 4 people ate one piece of pizza. That’s hard to swallow…hahahehe…Maybe they were just on a budget because they spent ALL of their money on purses and accessories. I’m with you on the man purse thing. No red blooded American man would be caught dead wearing one. Well, maybe dead, but that’s it! Thanks for the great post!! I’m going to go read all the comments from the other commenters now!!
Comment from Hollyween
Time: April 16, 2008, 1:54 pm
I’m here from Christie’s site…
And this is hilarious.
I could eat way more than one whole piece. I could eat an ENTIRE pizza.
Yup… that’s why we’re huge, but at least we don’t carry man bags.
Comment from Becky @ Boys Rule My Life
Time: April 16, 2008, 3:30 pm
See, now this is why I come here! Thanks for the giggles!
Love your little girl’s shoes, BTW!
Comment from Jimaie
Time: April 16, 2008, 6:42 pm
oh man. HILARIOUS!!!!
i was sent here by way of “these are a few of my favorite things”
and am so glad i did for i was in great need of a laugh today LOL!
mmm…pizza….
Comment from Jill
Time: April 16, 2008, 7:48 pm
I work in the design world so I am very familiar with Man Purses and other Man things that Men should not be wearing. I have one client (man) who has more D*vid Yurm*an jewelry than any woman I know. Swish. Swish.
Comment from Carolyn
Time: April 16, 2008, 9:06 pm
Loved the post! You so crack me up! And yes, you are a fashion expert!
Comment from Jenibelle
Time: April 16, 2008, 10:21 pm
They carry those man bags everywhere in Europe. Between the man bags, no deodorant and pony tails, all I got to say is “God bless American men!!”
Here from Christie’s site.
Comment from Amanda - VintageDutchGirl
Time: April 16, 2008, 11:35 pm
I am LOVING your pizza mentality…might have to borrow it next time I’m in the food court 
Comment from ValleyGirl
Time: April 17, 2008, 7:35 am
You’re so funny, Lisa! I’m with you on the “murses” too. Although I do get a little tired of hubby stuffing is wallet, cell phone, and keys into MY purse all the time!! I specifically bought a smaller one once I was done with diapers, wipes, pull-ups, sippy cups, and other kid paraphernalia and now with his crap in there, I find myself needing a bigger one again. Maybe I’ll get him one and without ever using it, he’ll get the hint!
Comment from ValleyGirl
Time: April 17, 2008, 7:37 am
PS. Reading about the tourists and their pizza really drives home how excessive and overindulgent we North Americans are. I wonder how much healthier we would be if we ate 75% LESS than we do? And how much good could we do with that leftover 75%?
Comment from Autumn Dahlia
Time: April 17, 2008, 9:16 am
I would have eaten 2 of those. Hence, all that is my 200 lbs.
Comment from Jan
Time: April 17, 2008, 1:02 pm
This is a great post. Years ago one of my best friends had a massive stroke, through hard work and perserverance, he re-entered the “normal” world and the world of work. As a result of his stroke he had to have a lot more “things” with him on a regular basis, so he always carried a zippered gym bag with him, and called his purse. He is very macho, and that was his solution.
Comment from Lynette
Time: April 17, 2008, 2:37 pm
Your writing is sheer brilliant. You have got to be one of the most hilarious bloggers out there. Love, love, love the sarcasm. Super funny!
Now I am hungry for my own massive slice of pizza which I will not share with anyone.
Comment from Lisa
Time: April 19, 2008, 9:19 am
Oh Lizzzzza, you are ze funniest girlz.. ze pizza looked deliziuoz.
BobV has a man bag..when he carries the MAIL!!! hahahahahahaha
Rockin chickster-you are-
Ill have a slice!
Lisa
coastal nest
Comment from Martha
Time: April 21, 2008, 1:32 pm
That slice a pizza? Is one serving.
But this is coming from a Fat American.
Dammit.
I hate it when they’re right.
Zuddy has a man purse. It’s called a paper bag. We all dress like we’re homeless here at Elizabeth Hill!
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Time: April 22, 2008, 6:47 am
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Comment from Carrie
Time: April 25, 2008, 3:17 pm
What the … Man purses!? Oh one of you defiantly has a problem and … well, I’m voting it’s the guy with the purse!
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