I will never be Martha Stewart and I’m finally ready to stop trying.
Entertaining is not easy for me. I want it to be, but it is not. It is hard and stressful and usually results in a lot of yelling on the day the entertaining is taking place.
Yet, I still continue to open my mouth and listen to the words, “Would you guys like to come for dinner?” come out of my mouth. As soon as I say it, I can’t believe that I have done it again; opened my mouth and invited people over to the chaos that is my home. I never plan to do it, it just always seems like the right thing to say at the time.
I want to have guests in my home. I want friends and family to know they are welcome in our home anytime and I want them to think of our home as a fun and happy place to be; a place they want to be.
The problem with this is that while my house is, for the most part, fun and happy, it is also usually occasionally messy. Not dirty, because no matter the mess I always have my cleaning lady coming in regularly, but messy. Even though we have a finished basement that is chock full-o-toys, nobody ever seems to want to play down there. They drag the toy of the moment upstairs to the family room or kitchen and the foyer seems to be the perfect spot to set up an entire combined village of Barbies, Bratz and Geotracks.
There always seems to be a stray pool towel draped over a chair and a stack of papers sitting by the phone. Shoes are rarely lined up and orderly in the mudroom and beds are not made every day. There is often an open game sitting out on the coffee table, a half chewed dog bone on the carpet and a stack of laundry in a basket waiting to be carried upstairs.
In order to have company, all of these things must be fixed. Quickly. The meal must be planned, the proper serving dishes set out and the shopping done. The food must be made, the table set and guest bathroom prepared with fresh towels and a candle. The floors need a quick washing, the vacuuming should be done again and the feather duster should quickly go over every surface. Throw pillows must be fluffed, small candy dishes and flowers should be sprinkled throughout the house and lamps and blinds should be set to show each room at its best.
Entertaining is in the details, right?
And I do enjoy some perfect details.
I broke away from my normal People-Are-Coming-Over-Routine recently in favor of a more casual approach. Because it is summer, I am home with all of my children, and I, for whatever reason, was not feeling very motivated to bust a perfectionist move, I decided to try something a bit more informal. Yes, the floor was still cleaned and bathroom freshened up, but the feather duster did not make it over the flat surfaces in time. No serving dishes were set out and no table set. There were no fresh flowers. In fact, I was busy preparing the appetizer just as the guests walked in the door.
And it was fine.
I realized earlier in the day that we were out of dinner napkins. Normally, I would have dropped everything and run to the store, wasting valuable prep time. This time however, I saw the napkin holder empty and no extras in the pantry and I stopped for a moment. I decided that thick white paper towels folded in squares would suffice for a supper on the patio.
And it was fine.
Not one of my guests said a word and by the time the dessert came outside and the folded paper towels had run out I, oh you know I did, plopped the standing up roll of paper towels RIGHT DOWN ON THE TABLE. I surely did.
And it was fine.
Hours before my guest were to arrive, I realized my children had eaten the last of the delicious cut watermelon I was planning to serve with dinner. Instead of running out to replace it, I let it go. We would not enjoy fruit with our dinner. So what? It may be against the laws of all summertime cookout entertaining extravaganzas to not serve watermelon with the burgers and the corn, but you know what?
I’ve always been a bit of a rule breaker, and it was fine.
The evening was filled with swimming and laughter and story telling. There was plenty of beer and burgers for the grownups and fireflies aplenty to be caught by the children. I learned a lesson that night. I need to practice cheerful hospitality more. I need to let the details go. It is so much easier that way, and makes entertaining much less stressful for my family and much more enjoyable for me.
Perfection is a hard thing to let go of, but for one night, I did it.
And it was great.
Posted: August 12th, 2008 under Home, It's All About Me.
Comments: 19
Comments
Comment from JanMary, N Ireland
Time: August 12, 2008, 1:39 am
Sounds like a “fine” plan to me 
I definitely am a more casual/relaxed about entertaining now, and it is so much more enjoyable.
So when are you going to invite me over! (LOL)
Comment from Philippa
Time: August 12, 2008, 4:52 am
I am always happy visiting someone when I know they haven’t spent the whole week preparing for a visit from us. Then when I invite them back, I don’t have to do the same! My house is never perfect because we have 4 kids. Actually the best dinners we have had have been when I have invited someone back on the fly and then had to search the freezer for something to feed them! I bet your guests had a lovely time!
Comment from Lynette
Time: August 12, 2008, 6:42 am
Good for you. I am the same way, but now I know there is hope! LOL! We often times get so caught up in the details that most people don’t even notice. Why do we bother?
Comment from sheila
Time: August 12, 2008, 7:08 am
yay, Lisa!
Wish i was there to enjoy the imperfections with you.
Sounds like a great dinner party to me!
Comment from Heather
Time: August 12, 2008, 7:36 am
So true. So funny. A good time was had by all, even with NO napkins!
Comment from Jen
Time: August 12, 2008, 7:41 am
Those are the best get togethers! I tend to get caught up in the details too but have come to realize that the guests make it a good time. Oh yeah and good drinks
Comment from Martha
Time: August 12, 2008, 9:37 am
Way to go, girl!!!
I can be the same way. Which means I never have anyone over.
But people have the best times when they feel welcomed and comfortable. And Napkins don’t = comfort, do they? I’ll try and remember that someday.
xoxox,
mvz
Comment from sheila
Time: August 12, 2008, 9:57 am
oh, and yes lulu loves the cubs. after all he grew up in indiana, graduated from both IU and OSU, so what do you expect? cubs fans are loyal win or lose.
Comment from Jen
Time: August 12, 2008, 11:01 am
I knew this was going to be a great post just from the title. Thanks for writing this…I really needed to read it. I always try to make things perfect and end up yelling at my family and totally stressed out in the process. I’m sure the guests pick up on my stress level and that is just no fun. I think I’ll take your non-Martha approach next time.
Comment from Queen B
Time: August 12, 2008, 2:01 pm
Good for you! It is so important to remember that it doesn’t have to be an extravaganza to welcome people in our homes. But I seem to always forget that.
So when’s the next cookout?
Comment from Beachy Mimi
Time: August 12, 2008, 5:46 pm
I love this post. I, too, stress at details that are unnoticable and unnecessary. I love the term cheerful hospitality. I need to practice that.
Comment from kristenkj
Time: August 13, 2008, 11:58 am
I could have written this post myself. I am trying really hard to be more relaxed about having people over. I have had a few people over for “happy hour” in the cul-de-sac. They come, we break out the non-matching lawn chairs, set up a hand-me-down folding table, a cooler filled with whatever adult beverages we have on hand, and a few miscellaneous snacks for the kids, and everyone has a fantastic time. We kick back, listen to some fun music, watch the kids ride bikes, and just enjoy each other’s company. And it is good. And it is not fancy. And no one cares. In the winter, we’ll have to move inside, but I’m going to try to have the same relaxed attitude about it.
Comment from Debbie
Time: August 13, 2008, 12:28 pm
Excellent post. Years ago I was having my extended family over and fretting non-stop. My older cousin took me aside and said, “Look. This will not be the last time we eat so don’t put so much pressure on yourself. And if it is the last time we eat, we have bigger worries.” Love that advice.
Comment from Becky@BoysRuleMyLife
Time: August 13, 2008, 2:44 pm
Good for you!!! About 5 years ago we were invited to someone’s house for supper. We walked in and it obvious that she hadn’t perfected the place for us. I felt so much more comfortable and at ease than I had ever been at someone else’s house. “She wasn’t perfect!” I decided that night that if I was so comfortable in a non-perfect place that other people might be more comfortable at my house if I wasn’t perfect. That’s when my perfect entertaining stopped. I enjoy it so much more, too! I still tidy up the place and all, but I don’t stress if the kids drag out the toys two minutes before the guests arrive. This is our house. This is how we live. Welcome and make yourself at home!
Great post. I think too many of us try to be perfect and it just can’t happen in the real world. And that’s fine. 
Comment from Kelly @ Love Well
Time: August 13, 2008, 10:26 pm
When can I come over?
Loved how your told this story. And the last line? Genius.
Comment from Carolyn
Time: August 14, 2008, 8:33 am
Oh thank you for writing this. I so needed to hear this! Kudos to you for jumping a HUGE hurdle. I know it was hard. I know first hand how hard that can be. I’m not there yet, but maybe this will inspire me! Thanks for letting me know, it was fine!
Comment from Becky
Time: August 14, 2008, 11:10 am
And you know what, I would rather be at a home where it shows that the family actually “lives” there and “loves” there and “plays” there than any other house. A house that shows that the family loves and plays together is the best thing.
However, I do know your feeling of wanting to make sure that everything is perfect for company. But if these people are your friends than they except you just the way you are.
Comment from Sharon J.
Time: August 29, 2008, 12:10 am
One thing to remember when the shoes are piled high by the door in disarray - it means they are home. When there are no more shoes to complain about they are - no longer there. Enjoy the shoes! This advice came to me a little late, but early enough to be used. Rejoice in the towels, the crackers on the floor, the mess it just means you are alive and too soon it will be over and quiet houses are not that much fun! I would rather be in a home where there is love and living than in a mansion filled with pretense. I never look for things to criticize someone over. Enjoy the Company and forget the mess. No one is looking and only you know what it looks like all tidied up and that is where the problem lies. We see things as they should be, but don’t accept how they are. I wished I had been a funner mother. None of it matters!
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