We interrupt this blogging break…
…to welcome all who land on this blog after searching Google for The Fattest Man In The World.
He’s not here.
I’m not him.
I’m not his wife.
I’m not even the fattest woman in the world.
So I’m sorry that Google has misdirected you.
But still, you are more than welcome to visit. Anytime.
And if you have landed here after searching for the
fattest person in the world, the fattest guy in the whole entire world, or the fattest man in the world weighs how much?,
then I’m sorry Google has misled you here to my little blog as well. I can’t help you. I don’t recall ever writing a post regarding anything to do with the fattest guy in the world. And if I did, I would certainly give you the link. Obviously, someone out there could be getting some serious traffic their way if they were to post any facts and information at all about the FATTEST MAN IN THE WORLD. Because people seem to be oddly curious about this gentleman. I’m sure he’s a great guy.
And if you happen to be here by way of any of the following Google search terms, let me do my best to help you out, so that your visit to my blog isn’t a wasted trip…
dog drank a little rubbing alcohol Seriously, if it is a big dog, I’m sure it’s fine. If it’s a little dog, maybe you should call your vet. And what kind of pet owner are you, anyway?
I missed out on something I feel that way a lot. Welcome.
will Sea Breeze take hair out, sea breeze astringent to stay cool, and sea breeze astringent gallon A gallon of Sea Breeze? Really? You must take your skin toner very seriously. I don’t use toner, personally. I don’t think Sea Breeze takes hair out, because I used it pretty regularly in 1988 and I had very bushy eyebrows. So no to that one, try waxing. And Sea Breeze to stay cool? It does feel kind of cool and tingly going on, doesn’t it?
“jon and kate” Valentine’s fighting I know! I saw that one too. Isn’t it awful? I love that show.
men with purses, guys carrying purses, calvin klein purses for men, guy handbags, etc. etc. I’m against them. They look silly. Here’s how I feel about them.
words that rhyme with mojito Yojito? Lojito? Pojito? Zojito? You’d probably need to specify real words or just words that rhyme.
tim mcgraw personal assistant Back off sister. I’m in line for that job. BACK OFF.
jessica simpson sandals They are cute, aren’t they? Think what you want about her herky jerky singing style, but she does seem to know shoes. I ended up buying the ones I mentioned here.
where does lisa leslie buy her shoes? Isn’t she a basketball player? So I’m guessing Nike. Or Reebok. Try Zappos.com. I buy almost all my shoes there. Love, love, love me some Zappos.
nice stirrup pants There is no such thing. I would not lie to you.
wearing “bras” in third grade Isn’t it a shame? Why can’t they just stay “little”? I blame it on the milk. I really do.
how to clean your house I call 1-800-MollyMaids.
embarrassing myself husband Me too. I am inflicted with the hugest case of foot in mouth syndrome that there ever was. I pray on this one constantly. ‘Lord, please help me to keep my BIG MOUTH SHUT. Amen.’
If you are here for anything remotely related to the Pottery Barn and its sent from the Heaven cubbies for a mudroom, the closest thing I have to helping you with that is here. And if you are looking to eat at the Grumpy Grouper on Hilton Head Island, you can read right here that I didn’t get to go. My own grumpy grouper was a little too grumpy to eat there when we were in Hilton Head. But I heard it’s really good. You should go.
And lastly, if you are the person who came upon this blog after you typed my child is having mild chest pains into the Google, try WebMD. Or call 911. Or get the poor kid some anti anxiety meds. I’m no doctor.
And I know nothing at all about the Fattest Man in the Entire World. I promise. But thanks for visiting.
Carry on with your summer.
Posted: June 25th, 2008 under Embarrassing Myself with my Ramblings.
Comments: 37
Comments
Comment from Wendi
Time: June 25, 2008, 6:53 pm
OMGoodness!
I just checked my reader.
And there. you. were.
A post from “Take 90 West”.
I have missed you so.
How have you been?
Glad to see that your sense of humor is still in tact.
You are a funny girl.
Bloggywood has not been the same without you.
Comment from Traceytreasure
Time: June 25, 2008, 6:55 pm
Oh My Gawd, I’ve missed you! Are you back? Please don’t stay away for too long! You okay?
Big Hugs!
Comment from Beachy Mimi
Time: June 25, 2008, 7:01 pm
You just crack me up! Please continue blogging!! I have missed you so much.
Comment from ellen
Time: June 25, 2008, 7:16 pm
i needed that! i was just thinking today how much i missed you!!!! hope you and yours are having a good summer! and if you are callling mollymaids - good for you!!!
Comment from Thea @ I’m a Drama Mama
Time: June 25, 2008, 7:22 pm
I was just wondering the other day what the heck happened to you! Good to have you back! And with a mighty hilarious post, no less. You little over achiever, you.
Comment from Queen B
Time: June 25, 2008, 8:12 pm
Alright. You are so back in. Please tell us you are back in? You are so funny. If you are not back for good, then this was just mean…making us laugh and then taking it away.
Glad you’ve still got it, girl!
Comment from ValleyGirl
Time: June 25, 2008, 8:34 pm
And she’s back! In fine form, I might add!! And even if it’s only for this post, thanks for the laughs!!
Comment from Mary@notbefore7
Time: June 25, 2008, 8:44 pm
LOL…ROFL…sigh…Miss ya!
Comment from nottryingforaboy
Time: June 25, 2008, 8:56 pm
Good to see you!
Comment from Darcie
Time: June 25, 2008, 8:58 pm
Yay! You’re still kickin’. Just elsewhere I guess.
Can’t wait for your return.
Comment from Pattik
Time: June 25, 2008, 9:04 pm
You have truely been missed! You are one
funny girl. Don’t leave again. Please.
Comment from Jen
Time: June 25, 2008, 9:29 pm
Oh my heck. Lisa, you make me laugh out loud. I have missed stopping here.
Comment from Alice Gold
Time: June 25, 2008, 9:36 pm
I love seeing what people searched to get to my blog. I am really missing out on the mark I guess. I really need to do a post about this fattest man on the earth.
Comment from Deb - Mom of 3 Girls
Time: June 25, 2008, 9:48 pm
Yay - a post! 
Wow, and I thought my search keywords were strange - yours are downright hilarious!
Comment from Org Junkie
Time: June 25, 2008, 9:59 pm
Hilarious! Those google searches simply crack me up
Comment from JanMary, N Ireland
Time: June 26, 2008, 1:16 am
Lovely to hear from you again. Hope you are enjoying the break.
Off to cottage for 5 WEEKS, but I will still be blogging, so be sure to drop by. Thinking of doing a “Ask me some questions” post soon, and would love know what you want to know..if you know what I mean!
Google Searches always great for a chuckle
Comment from Rebecca at Ramblings by Reba
Time: June 26, 2008, 5:55 am
::: waving at Lisa :::
Hi, Lisa! I told you we’d be here when you came back… even if “back” is just for a brief visit.
Great post. I loved it.
Comment from Soliloquy
Time: June 26, 2008, 6:06 am
See?! Didn’t I TELL you that we’d all be here waiting just for you?
Welcome back.
Or was that just a tease?
Comment from Kelly @ Love Well
Time: June 26, 2008, 2:23 pm
I’ve MISSED you.
I loved the “I missed out on something.” Don’t you think some people treat Google like a confessional?
Comment from Becky
Time: June 26, 2008, 2:47 pm
I was so excited when I checked my email this morning and I had an email that your blog had been updated!!! I knew you would come back some day and I would be here waiting with open arms. I hope you don’t stay away to long.
Love having you back and seeing that you still have a wonderful sense of humor!!!!
Comment from Amy @ By His Grace
Time: June 26, 2008, 2:50 pm
I can’t stop laughing…no I mean can’t stop! You have been missed…glad you are back…please don’t go away!
Comment from Kim N
Time: June 26, 2008, 3:27 pm
I was so happy to see a new post from my favorite blogger! (don’t tell anyone else)
What a great post. My husband and I like to tease my mom about some of the nasty search terms that have brought people to her site. She is about as innocent as they come.
Comment from Carolyn
Time: June 26, 2008, 7:16 pm
OH this was SO HYSTERICAL! You are so funny! I am glad I checked to see if there was something new!
Your humor hasn’t left! Maybe I need to take a break so I can GET some humor! LOL
Comment from Becky @ Boys Rule My Life
Time: June 26, 2008, 8:07 pm
love it. just love it!
have a great summer!
Comment from Elizabeth
Time: June 27, 2008, 9:00 am
welcome back!
Comment from the roost
Time: June 27, 2008, 9:21 am
Girl you are back and on fire! Glad to here from you!!!:)
Comment from kristenkj
Time: June 28, 2008, 1:48 pm
Are you coming back!!!??? I was so happy when you commented on my blog, I thought you must be back!
This post cracked me up! Welcome back!
Comment from Annie
Time: June 30, 2008, 9:20 am
Missed you! Still hi-lar-i-ous! Hope you’re feeling less stressed. And get that “personal assistant” job.
Comment from staciesmadness
Time: June 30, 2008, 1:51 pm
I have missed reading your blog…thanks for the chuckles!
Comment from Lynette
Time: July 1, 2008, 8:34 pm
Your post was priceless. Thanks for the laughs!
Comment from Aimee in Port Orange
Time: July 3, 2008, 6:32 pm
Lisa I so enjoyed your post! hope you are having a great summer! Can’t wait to read more~ Aimee
Comment from Suzy
Time: July 3, 2008, 11:39 pm
Oh, Lisa, you made me laugh my guts out…especially regarding the line someone googled about the dog and the rubbing alcohol…and how they described it as “a little bit.” And also the one who typed in “I missed out on something.” I’m laughing my fool face off as I’m typing this!!!
Comment from Jill
Time: July 6, 2008, 7:12 pm
Hilarious! Hope you’re enjoying your summer, Lisa!
Comment from Carolyn
Time: July 6, 2008, 7:49 pm
Just checking in to see if there was anything new! missing you!
Comment from Lisa
Time: July 9, 2008, 9:12 pm
you SOOO fucking crack me up. Im glad I was being a hope-r and thought I would lurk around the place, aha!! YOU DID WRITE!! Although you might not be the FATTEST man in the world, you are one of the funniest chicks I know. Hope all is well, your having a good drink or 6 this summer- and not getting too sunburnt-
Me, keepin my toes in the sand-until next time..
Lisa
coastal nest
Comment from sheila
Time: July 11, 2008, 1:50 pm
thinking about you.
Comment from New Diva
Time: August 5, 2008, 2:52 pm
Wow…those are some crazy searches! I am so happy you are back! My life has been crazy and it has been a while since I checked, what a pleasant surprise, anyhoo can’t wait to get caught up!
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